apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
