you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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