U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's always time for handjobs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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