I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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