ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
