theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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