Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
