You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
