Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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