I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
