I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
