i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
