Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
