I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
