I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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