dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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