i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
