dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
