Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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