U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
