fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
where does the pee come out of this thing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
