He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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