you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
