the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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