I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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