I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
