Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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