I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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