so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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