apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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