i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
