Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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