Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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