I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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