I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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