I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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