mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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