i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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