I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
