i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
