he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
