so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
