i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
