I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
