so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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