btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
