This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
