I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
