walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
