I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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