Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
