Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize