Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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