Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
