I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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