My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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