Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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