I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize