You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
