my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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